Jacob and I have had moments reminiscing about life in college and Maryland a few times but today, we were “homesick.” I am a native to Fort Collins, aren’t I home? With the help of some important people in my life, I decided last October that Maryland had to be my new home if I was to truly thrive in college. So, the largest obstacle in the past month has been readjusting to life in FoCo (challenge 8). Always mature for my age and pushing to be more independent, I was ready for college. True, I feared the newness of it all but never backed down from the challenges of college and I definitely did not want to return home for more than just a visit. So where is my home? I love my city and I have put so much into Fort Collins and been treated well by the city but my new home is Maryland where the opportunities are endless and new adventures never ending.
There is much anticipation on returning. Will it not just feel like I am a freshman all over again? Or will I still feel acclimated? It will be months after my last treatment before I truly feel myself again and than the pressure of starting school will be piling on. The anticipation is a killer because it builds on non-addressable anxiety.
Song of the Post: Rainbow by Kesha
“Just put your colors on.” Beyond the message of overcoming fear is Kesha’s wisdom to embrace your true self. Through the process of grieving in my life I always felt like my “way” of grieving was somehow wrong. Often my face conveyed boredom, I did not cry at funerals but rather kept my composure for a later moment. Now grieving the life I planned from the early days of high school, I am choosing to embrace the strong message of Kesha and grieve in my own colors. Give the song and listen and challenge yourself to find the rainbow in the dark times.
A blessing of this diagnosis has been the time to eat pancakes, lap parks, and sip hot beverages with some of my closest family and learn more about the less familiar people in my life. My cousin Joshee is in this selfie with me before eating at Snooze for the nth time this month- I appreciate that people know my favorite “local” joint. I was so happy on this warm sunny day, learning how to rock the head scarf. Uncle Joshee is someone who brings light into the day and I have really appreciated Josh and Jason’s generosity with their time and energy to come visit me from Denver a few times now! The headscarf in the picture was kindly gifted to me from my aunt and uncle. Although, their dog wore it better in the cute polaroid picture they sent with it- I appreciate my goofy family.